CHENEY RECEIVES FACE TRANSPLANT; NOW HAS THREE FACES
Unveils Newest Face on NBC???s ???Meet the Press???
Vice President Dick Cheney received a face transplant over the weekend,
bringing his total number of faces to three, a spokesman for Mr. Cheney
confirmed today.
The vice president unveiled his latest face on Sunday on NBC???s ???Meet
the Press,??? where his three faces were interviewed by host Tim Russert
as well as correspondents David Gregory and Campbell Brown.
Mr. Russert said that he enlisted the help of Mr. Gregory and Ms. Brown
because ???once Dick Cheney???s three faces get going, it???s more than one
journalist can handle.???
In his first television appearance with his newly transplanted face,
the vice president indicated that he would use one face for talking to
the American people, one face for talking to executives of the
Halliburton Company, and one face for passing information to people he
referred to as ???secure and undisclosed members of the press.???
But even as Mr. Cheney debuted his new face, Democrats in Congress
questioned whether the vice president???s face transplant was necessary,
especially since it was performed at taxpayer expense.
???I think most of us agree that the last thing Dick Cheney needed was an
additional pie hole,??? said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev).
In related news, Iraqi deputy Prime Minister Ahmad Chalabi announced
that he, too, received a face transplant, bringing his total number of
faces to either eight or nine.
Elsewhere, after denying that the U.S. transports terror suspects
around the globe to be tortured, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
admitted that the U.S. sometimes does force terror suspects to fly
coach.
On Dec 5, 2005, at 7:21 AM, Mick Bello wrote:
> Bush Calls ‘Plan For Victory’ Slogan a Success
> ———————————————-
> Vows to Create Additional Slogans to Defeat Insurgents
>
> One day after making a speech on Iraq at the United States Naval
> Academy in front of a giant placard reading “Plan For Victory,”
> President George W. Bush pronounced the “Plan For Victory” slogan an
> unqualified success.
>
> “Much time, thought and effort went into creating the ‘Plan For
> Victory’ slogan,” Mr. Bush said today at a White House press
> conference. “I think we can all agree that the hard work that went
> into that slogan has really paid off.”
>
> The president said that not only were the words “Plan For Victory”
> catchy and memorable, but the choice of yellow letters against a blue
> background was perfect: “The yellow against the blue really made the
> letters stand out in a victory-like way.”
>
> Mr. Bush told reporters that he believed that “time and patience” were
> the ultimate keys to success in Iraq, adding, “It took time and
> patience for us to come up with a really effective slogan like ‘Plan
> For Victory.'”
>
> But even as he praised his administration’s latest slogan, Mr. Bush
> said he would not rest on his laurels, vowing to create additional
> slogans to defeat the insurgents in Iraq.
>
> “The insurgents may have many weapons at their disposal, but they are
> not as good as we are at coming up with slogans,” Mr. Bush said. “So
> far the only one they’ve come up with is ‘Jihad’ – not catchy at all,
> if you ask me.”
>
> Elsewhere, major retailers cheered the early results of the holiday
> shopping season, announcing that sales of totally useless items surged
> fifty percent.
>
> (Andy Borowitz
No comments